Thanks for friends
Thanks for family
Thanks for the freedom to put friends before family when giving thanks

Thanks for religious persecution for forcing our founders to flee to America
Thanks to our founders for growing tobacco for reasons unmentioned in 2nd grade (cursed oil bandits)
Thanks to our founders for making nice with the Indians before seeing to many witch-hunts of each other

Thanks to the Indians for being such great people
Thanks to the Indians for not correcting us when we called them Indians
Thanks to the Indians for teaching the founders to farm and survive
Thanks to the Indians for letting us have everything of theirs taking only our diseases in return
Thanks to the Indians for taking the brunt of the next few centuries as we denied them home, land, rights, decent TV impressions,
Thanks to the Indians for only expecting casinos and government checks in return
Thanks to the governor of Massachusetts in 1637 for commemorating this day for the
massacre of 700 Indians who had been celebrating their annual green-corn day
Thanks to preserving innocence by saying we “Gave Thanks” with them


Thanks to the Turkeys for being so tasty
Thanks to the Turkeys for letting us inbreed them into flightless birds incapable of saving themselves from drowning in light rain
Thanks to Turkeys for letting us pump them full of steroids that we ourselves are forbidden from taking
Thanks to Turkeys for letting us give into our vice of gluttony, if only to appease tradition (and a tasty one at that)

Thanks to Thanks for allowing us to get a day off of work/school just to give thanks
Thanks to that Friday after so we can wake up at 4 in the morning to give Macy’s 90% of it’s yearly revenues
Thanks to that whole weekend being the feeding ground for horrible “family” movies to come out
Thanks to family being off some distance to help keep our oil companies healthy with money
Thanks to Thanksgiving for being the only Holiday to not have a B-horror film made for it (yet)


And thanks to the next chanceyou can eat a leftover turkey sandwich, when it’s all over and it’s nice and quiet.

Thanks-Vince